06 Jun

Dickheads at DickSmith Electronics ie Woolworths

Posted By: User ImageDick [Dial]  //  Category: Dickhead Ramblings
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Now that Woolworths owns DickSmith Electronics and Tandy, it makes for a bit of an interesting adventure when shopping for bloke gadgets. Our local shopping mall has the lot. We got Woolies, Tricky Dickies and Tandy all under the one roof. Now Dickies has the biggest range, and often better prices than Tandy, however the biggest difference is YOU GET SERVED AT TANDY, and grow a beard at DickSmiths.

Now the other night some dickhead decided to shoot out the window of my car, parked in my driveway at home. After the usual bit with the coppers, the crime scene gal, the lawyers etc, I thought what a great idea if I add another CCTV camera to my security system!

So as you do, I jumped on the net, browsed here and there and decided on a model available at BOTH TrickyDicks and at Tandy Electronics. Armed with the cameras item numbers, I gave Tandy a bell on the phone. The guy at Tandy without any rooting around or crap about “getting you one in” tells me straight up that he aint got one. No problemo! So I give DickSmith Electronics a call on the blower! Eventually wheezy Rob answers, chats, formalizes, and proceeds to look up the product number that I gave him from their online catalog.

After a bit more wheezing, he advises me that its my lucky day as he has one left in stock. I say bewdy mate, cos I want this thing installed before dark! I tells him that I will send my daughter down to buy the thing for me. Yep great he wheezes, just be sure to tell her to ask for “Rob”, because I have put it aside for you, how long will she be he asks? By now it’s 20 past 2, so I said about 15 minutes as we don’t live all that far away.

All is good, my enormously pregnant daughter waddles out to her car and drives off. Two and a half hours later she returns, very flustered and tired, but armed with a box in a shopping bag. I opened the box, and bewdy, it was just what I wanted! But then she tells me that when she arrive at DickSmiths and asks for “Rob”, she was greeted by a wheezing sumo wrestler who informed her that he actually didn’t have a camera in stock afterall. Sorry! I’ll give you sorry you effing fat DickHead!

Why tell a customer that you have stock when you don’t? Why, because you are too large to go an look properly thats why. A waste of effing space on this planet. Guzzling up precious oxygen at an alarming rate and turning it into farts. Anyway, Dickhead has a solution. he gets on the horn and rings around the other DickSmith stores, until he finally locates the item in stock at a distant outlet. So he sends me poor daughter off on a quest again, another 20 miles down the road.

The rest is history, after finding parking twice, walking considerable distances, and driving to the other side of the planet, the poor girl gets back here with the damn thing. Now if Mr Dial-a-Dickhead shop assistant has visually checked his stock, instead of assuming there was stock, he could have been the man the Tandy-Man was and said no matey i don’t have one. (Sorry, I meant wheezed not said) Then a fella would have made a few more calls, and sent his daughter direct to the store with the stock.

But no, not only do I get fucked over by a Dickhead, I find that this isn’t just an ordinary dickhead, but a barge-arsed hindenburg who is also eating all my food and breathing all my oxygen as well. Anyway the moral of the story is SHOP AT TANDY ELECTRONICS!!!!!!!!!!

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22 May

Dial this Dickhead now.

Posted By: User ImageDick [Dial]  //  Category: Dial-a-Dickhead Hotlines
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Rumour has it that this number belongs to a Dickhead named James Morshead. Apparently this Dickhead is trying to dodge the coppers so that they can’t serve him with his domestic violence warrants. He is such a Dickhead, that he doesn’t realize that the court hearings will proceed without him appearing to defend himself.

So what’s the big deal? Well this Dickhead loves to brag. Yep you got it, this dickhead is a real Jerk. He has done all the usual “hide-out” stuff like changing address and his car, but he can’t help hanging around his old stomping grounds and friends! He hasn’t quit his job, still at the same place for years.

He really thinks he has eluded the police, and is trying to start a new identity, with a new woman, ready to practise his domestic violence on her! Unfortunately for him, the local coppers regularly watch TV shows like “The Bill” and “CSI” every week and are fairly up to scratch on their detective work, so they wrote down his rego number, saw the mate the car was registered to, called around to his work and had a chat with his boss, and kind of shall we say “picked up the trail again”.

Oh, did we mention that they also call his cell-phone frequently and you’d never guess, Dickhead answers it every time. Even more stupid, if The Jerk misses a call, he rings it right back to see who it was. There is no doubt about it, this dickhead is certainly one of the dumbest criminal masterminds in history!

Don’t take our word for it, Dial-a-Dickhead on +61422032109 . Yes it’s an Australian Cell number, but the country code is included, and it’s well worth the $10 bucks or so (USD) to Dial-A-Dickhead like this.

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